The Morning After....

Relationships are not always as they seem....I have learned this lesson well. Sometimes it seems that things are fine when, in all reality, life is in turmoil. Sometimes it seems that life is chaos but both parties manage it well. I regret my actions leading up to my divorce...I was not the man that I am supposed to be...and I didnt handle things well. Do I think that I was the sole component in the demise of my relationship...of course not, but that is not what this is about. Sometimes holding on to something that we know is unhealthy (no matter how much we wish it would work) is no good. Moving on is something people often fight...I know this because I have done just that. During my divorce, I often wished that I was with my ex-wife at times. This happened usually when I was lonely and times were quiet. When my mind would flash back to the good times. What my mind rarely focused on during those times of loneliness were the bad times...the lead up to the separation...the reasons why we were at this point to begin with.

So we all know what happened with my relationship. My ex pressed on and did what she knew was right. She thought clearer than I did. She knew that the best things for her, the kids, and myself...was not to be a single unit. Many will say that is the easy way out...but I say that it was the right way out. My ex and I were not right for each other...and staying together for the kids is a poor excuse...because then, everyone is miserable. The process of Divorce was full of heartache and sorrow...an emotional pendulum. At times I was angry...then sad...sometimes peppered with happy moments. Feining joy and happiness can only last so long...eventually true feelings emerge and present themselves.

Years after the divorce, I look back and I thank my ex that she had pressed on. We were a terrible couple with great kids. Because of our divorce I can now look at my ex for what she truly is...a great mother to our kids and friend to me. I love her for those attributes and no, I have no desire to be remarried to her. I think that there will always be feelings for her but for us, divorce was the right avenue. I am glad that I can now enjoy my time with my kids, and not have hard feelings when I am around their mom.

If I am not happy...no one around me will be. I have found happiness in the little things...and its those small things that I truly have joy in. I look for the million small things that make this world a great place...that way I never am without something that makes me smile and love. I hope to find an endless love but until we find each other and admit it...I will continue to press on...always looking for a way to help, love and hope.

-Kala